Assembling a new, glass-shelved TV stand is very much like making love to, er…

The hardest bit isn't assembling the stand, a thing with pictogram instructions only – which suggests 2 people would be better at it than you.

The hardest bit isn't manoeuvring the TV on top of it from the old, plainly-incompatible stand rescued when the previous, mammoth, CRT TV eventually met its maker (figuratively!)

The hardest part isn't assembling the anti-tip safety strap behind the telly – which has been moved into a temporary but awkward-for-this-stage location.

No, the hardest part is figuring out which cable should be where to minimise the clutter from the myriad of modern device connections – clutter now painfully-obvious through clear glass.

I'd prepared, obviously, by disconnecting everything and laying it out around the room…

Useless.

So, in the time-honoured tradition of the British male when face-to-face with a certain defeat, I resorted to an anagram:

"Oh duck it, it's goof enough!"