Category: misc

Loquacious

"Indistinctly loquacious": to which UK politician am I imprecisely referring?

Describe them without a name or the attributes/characteristics commonly used in the media. Or don't bother wasting your time.

Educated

Last week daughter 1 had a sex education lesson, or at least one on the specifics of the human male reproductive system. No problem there. She mentioned the teacher had used a couple of words veering more towards the colloquial than the technical. I became intrigued, because yeah!

The first, describing the male organ, began with a ‘W’, she said. It was easy to simply say ‘willy’, though my wife and I know quite a few more.

The second word up proved to be somewhat problematic, at least to me. It begins with an ‘S’ and is something that emits from the above appendage.

So I did it, I went there, with “…is it a movement of rebellion which started in the late seventies, one characterised by people with spiky hairstyles and outlandish make-up who jumped up and down, spat at each other, and sang songs of disillusionment and hate of the establishment? Is it ‘punks’, rearranged?”

“…?”

My wife jumped to the rescue way too late to stop my squirming. The speed of her response was surely intentional, throwing in the simple phrase “…is it men who go to sea?”

Yes, yes it was indeed that one.

VE Day 2020

Next year, to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the end of hostilities against the Axis powers in Europe during World War 2, the UK government has announced that VE Day (Victory in Europe) will replace the early May Bank Holiday for most.

In 2020 it’s on Friday May 8th, after the Monday of the Jedi’s annual celebration on what would have been the UK Bank Holiday. I can feel a distu… need for a 3 day working week!

More here (it’s the first link I found, please don’t judge me):

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/bank-holiday-monday-moving-friday-16479438

Incompetents (Tories)

The Nasty Party has, in my eyes, sunk to a new low point of incompetence. Faced with a small number of party leadership candidates they’re whining it’s too many, it’s unmanageable.

This is a group of people democratically elected by a majority to govern a country and to deal with matters on an international stage, and they simply can’t comprehend how to deal with 13 hopefuls (may increase to >17 during the week.) One proposed solution: change the rules to stop this frankly appalling scenario in future; another: change the number of triaging votes per week to get it over as quickly as possible.

Did they think that offering up the Prime Minister’s job would not generate massive interest, especially as there is for the second time no need to win a General Election to get it? My view, they thought no-one would want the poisoned chalice apart from the expected incompetents.

…and voters trust them to lead the country through these turbulent times? That’s not a question, it’s a statement. We’ve gone from a country of characteristic political apathy and a deep mistrust of every politician, to one which believes KNOWS things will be better after March 29 April 12 October 31… over three effing years after we should have had a plan in place!

And if that’s not the case, that there’s an element of trust, then the prevailing mood is “let’s get it over with as fast as we can”, without any thought of the future or even immediate impact across every facet of our lives.

I for one shall welcome our American overlords with an open wallet; I’m looking forward to: eating salmonella-free chicken and larger-than-life steaks, relishing the thought of reduced-cocoa chocolate that smells of sick, selling off the loss-making NHS in favour of an honestly capitalist free market in health insurance and looser rules on medicine pricing and, for my daughters’ sake, a relaxation of gun controls that’ll surely eradicate the knife crime epidemic sweeping our once-great nation… oh yeah baby, bring it on!

Flop

Redherring underpants: so comfortable you'd hardly know they were there. And, measured by one important yardstick, they often aren't.

Not necessarily a design flaw, merely a use case the designer failed to consider. The button is oddly placed for a man of my, er… stature, the main consequence of which is that throughout the day I occasionally flop out. Not protrude or stick out, no. Flop.

It's not a pleasant feeling, but it's not entirely unpleasant either, knowing that a change in posture will precipitate a contact with one's outer garment. The very worst situation (if I'm being honest 'worst' is exaggeration) occurs when I'm neither in nor out.

Enough words, I just got changed into my dressing gown, it's more predictable even when moving the bins to the front of the house on collection day in high winds!

Mine’s a big one

Just as the lady with the frankly massive puppies who lives at the end of the street has finally trimmed her bush I asked for and thus received a big one earlier today.

It ended poorly.

Now chai latte is an awesome drink but, as I believe I discovered earlier, only in moderation. I asked for a big one before we watched the film ‘Missing Link’. Unfortunately it appears it’s just too much for my otherwise iron constitution.[efn_note]A barefaced lie![/efn_note] So, yeah…

My stomach, it gurgles, a portent of doom down below; my wife advised me to bring a spare toilet roll up, just in case.

Whereas daughter 2 offered up 4-1/4, I’ll give ‘Missing Link’ 3-1/2 of 5 stars. Maybe my judgment will improve once I’ve…

Chess 3

I actually won a game vs the Chess.com computer, still at level 1 but it’s nevertheless a win![efn_note]To my unending chagrin, I wasn’t logged in.[/efn_note]

Computer Level 1:

1  f4  Nc6

2  c4  b6

3  e3  d6

4  d3  Qd7

5  Nf3  Nd8

6  Bd2  e5

7  g3  b5

8  Ba5  bxc4

9  dxc4  Ne7

10  Nc3  exf4

11  gxf4  Ne6

12  f5  Nxf5

13  Bh3  Nc5

14  Nh4  Bb7

15  Bxf5  Bxh1

16  Bxd7+  Ke7

17  Bf5  c6

18  Bc7  f6

19  Qd4  Bd5

20  cxd5  g6

21  a4  Re8

22  e4  g5

23  Nf3  Kf7

24  h4  h6

25  Rb1  gxh4

26  Nxh4  Nd3+

27  Kd2  Nf4

28  Rf1  c5

29  Qe3  Kg8

30  Rxf4  h5

31  Ng6  Re5

32  Nb5  Bh6

33  Nxd6  a5

34  Ne7+  Kg7

35  Ne8+  Rxe8

36  Nc6  Bxf4

37  Qxf4  Rxf5

38  Qxf5  c4

39  Qd7+  Kg6

40  Qxe8+  Kg5

41  Bg3  f5

42  Ne5  h4

43  Bf2  h3

44  Nf3+  Kf6

45  Bh4+  Kg7

46  Qe5+  Kg6

47  Be7  f4

48  Qxf4  Kh7

49  Bf6  h2

50  Nxh2  c3+

51  Kxc3  Kg6

52  Ng4  Kh5

53  Qf5#  1-0