A conversation with my wife, the evening before Valentine’s Day 2025:

Me, “How much cock do you think is in there?”

She, “12%?”

Me, “No, it’s only 2%.”

She, disappointed, “…”.

Me, “How about leekie?”

She, “3%?”

Me, “No, it’s 11%!”

She, “…” again.

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She’d bought me a 400g tin of Baxters ‘Cock-A-Leekie” soup. Its blurb:

“The finest leeks, succulent chicken, tender rice and freshly grated juicy carrots – that’s what makes our Cock-a-Leekie soup the very best. No wonder this traditional Scottish recipe is loved by so many.”

– Audrey Baxter.