My wife, directly to me just now as I learned over to kiss her forehead:

Do not touch me, you skanky bastard.

All I did was list the contents of the burger bun I’d just eaten:

• Jalapeño Beyond burger
• Low-fat cheese slice
• Tomato ketchup (Tesco)
• Skippy smooth peanut butter

Her response to hearing about the peanut butter

You always have to go one step further don’t you.

🙂