The doorbell was rung a few minutes ago: 2 guys, one introduced both as security consultants. I said 'no thanks, I'm not interested', and moved to shut the door, and here's where the depressingly-predictable thing occurred…

Yes, as the pattern usually unfolds, he actually asked me, and condescendingly of course: "Do you know what we're selling?" His exact words.

Um… I'm no rocket scientist but he had a few brochures fanned out in his hand, he'd introduced his profession, they both had impressive ID cards on lanyards, so I hazarded a guess, a wild stab at "Well, you're security consultants, is it alarms? It's alarms."

He seemed surprised.

Cold callers expect their cheery welcome to be reciprocated. This one didn't even try.

We've had someone purporting to be registered by the local authority asking, after my "yes" to "are you a family man?", how many children I have and what their ages are, and where they go to school and…. She was surprised, visibly offended that I said "it's none of your business, if you want the data get the authority to write to me for it." The best bit, my wife told me she'd called earlier that day, had been rebuffed then too.

Others who introduce themselves by "We're not selling anything…" are annoyed by my Captain Obvious "Yes you are, what are you selling?"

Double glazing salesmen, given a sniff at a replacement window but told to wait a few months as we couldn't afford it that close to Christmas, getting their telephone sales department to ring not even 5 minutes after departing. He put the phone down on me as I was explaining how unimpressed I was.

I could go on but what would it achieve?

Catharsis.

Ahhh…