I posted an image yesterday, to Twitter and to Facebook: ironic, sarcastic, call it what you will – a take on the trend to post words designed to both highlight injustice and put it right at the same time. Or expressing one's individuality by choosing something funny from a preprepared list of names. And all without needing to exercise one's scrolling digit. Instant gratification.

The words from MY image:

"Get your porn name by changing your name to that of your favourite porn star."

And later, on Twitter, I was asked a simple question:

"What would yours be?"

Thanks Neil! A very good question, very good indeed. A question to expose one's interests, proclivities, inadequacies, you know, those private things one simply doesn't talk about except with close friends. Very close friends.

So, a dilemma. Do I write any further?

Of course I do!

At this point I could be forgiven for writing about:

• gadget porn,
• house porn,
• car porn,
• gardening porn,
• gun porn,
• etc.

Innocuous stuff, you'd think, but nonetheless addictive if one allows it. But no, I'm not going to write about those.

I'm about to launch into an in-depth treatise at times exploring the deepest darkest reaches of the human psyche. Those of a nervous disposition, please look away now.

…

Are you ready?

…

Just kidding. I've got my reputation as an intellectual lightweight to uphold. Besides, the UK government probably already knows what I'm into; give it a few years and I'll be leaking all OVER the place!

A question: How patient are you?